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[EXCERPT] Snippets from the F My Life World Tour

From the new book F My Life World Tour, little snippets of “sucks-to-be-me” moments that will surely bring a smile to your face—whether it’s because you’ve been there or you’re just glad it didn’t happen to you!

Today, I was getting my portrait done. The artist told me to smile. He looked at me, then said, “Ohh don’t smile.” FML

Today, as way of grading my work, my history teacher simply wrote “LOL” at the top of the paper. FML

Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old’s birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, “Was the Prince handsome?” and they all replied with a chorus of “Nooooo!” FML

Today, my sister decided to wake me up by pumping hand soap into my open mouth. FML

Today, my boyfriend brought me home to meet his parents. When they saw me, they laughed. FML

Today I got called a “loser” by an old man wearing pink flip-flops and riding a purple moped. FML

Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say yes or no instead of nodding your head. FML

Today, in the early morning, a worker started drilling right in front of my window. He left 5 minutes after my alarm clock rang. FML

Today, my family went to the zoo. I held my niece at the lion exhibit so she could get a better view, and the lions roared. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn’t very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were in the same room. FML


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